Delegating and Asking for Help When You Have a Chronic Illness

Asking for help can strengthen your bond with loved ones by showing them how they can support you, especially when done with grace and gratitude.

Living with a chronic illness like rheumatoid arthritis (RA) often means navigating two distinct realms: the internal landscape of my mind, where everything feels organized, purposeful, and achievable, and the external reality, where fatigue, debilitating joint pain, and unpredictable flare-ups can disrupt even the most carefully crafted plans.

In my mind, I spend considerable time visualizing the tasks I intend to accomplish once the flare subsides. I meticulously outline chores that need to be done, important work commitments that await my attention, precious quality time with my daughter that I want to prioritize, having that date night with my husband and personal projects I am eager to restart. I envision a smooth transition back to normalcy, filled with productivity and connection. Yet, the harsh truth is that life continues to move forward, regardless of how I feel. The grocery shopping still needs to be done, emails continue to accumulate in my inbox, and my daughter—who is growing up so quickly—deserves my undivided attention and nurturing. I want to show up for my family, my clients, and myself, but on difficult days, that can feel like an insurmountable challenge.

This is where the importance of delegating tasks and asking for help comes into play. It’s crucial to understand that seeking assistance is not a sign of weakness; rather, it is a powerful and proactive recognition of my limits and an essential act of self-awareness. Acknowledging that I cannot do everything alone empowers me to reach out to friends, family, and colleagues for support. Whether it’s asking my partner to handle grocery shopping, enlisting my daughter to help with small chores, or setting clear boundaries with clients about my availability, these actions allow me to preserve my energy and focus on what truly matters during a flare-up.

By embracing the need for help, I foster a more sustainable approach to managing my daily responsibilities, enabling me to recharge and ultimately return to the things I love—to be the engaged parent, dedicated professional, and fulfilled individual that I aspire to be.

Why It’s Hard to Ask for Help When You Have a Chronic Illness

Let’s be honest: asking for help can feel quite uncomfortable for many of us. It often stirs up a complex mix of emotions, including guilt, pride, or even the fear of imposing on others. This discomfort can be especially intense for those who have grown accustomed to being capable, independent, and self-sufficient. In such cases, reaching out for assistance might feel like a personal failure or a sign of weakness.

However, it's essential to recognize that needing support is a completely normal and human experience. Everyone encounters challenges that sometimes require external help, and this reality does not diminish your strength or capabilities.

When you are managing a chronic illness, asking for help becomes even more strategic. By delegating certain tasks and responsibilities to others, you can safeguard your limited energy and focus on what truly matters: nurturing your relationships, sharing your wisdom, and expressing your unique qualities that contribute to the world around you. Accepting help not only eases your burden but also allows you to engage more fully in the aspects of life that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Shifting the Mindset

I’ve come to realize that asking for help isn’t a sign of giving up control; rather, it’s a strategic choice about where to direct my energy so I can truly thrive instead of just getting by. This process also requires placing trust in others—allowing them to support me, even if their methods differ from my own.

Learning to delegate with grace involves several key components:

• Being Clear and Kind About My Needs: It’s important to articulate what I require without ambiguity. This means taking the time to express my expectations clearly while also being considerate and respectful in my communication. By doing this, I foster an environment where others feel empowered to assist me effectively.

  
  

• Acknowledging What Others Can Do: Instead of concentrating on what others might not be able to achieve, I strive to focus on their strengths and capabilities. Recognizing and appreciating their skills helps to build a collaborative atmosphere where everyone can contribute meaningfully.

  
  

• Expressing Genuine Gratitude: When others help me, I aim to show authentic appreciation rather than apologizing unnecessarily. A heartfelt “thank you” can go a long way in acknowledging their efforts and reinforcing our relationship.

  
  

Graceful delegation doesn’t simply mean transferring my entire to-do list onto someone else's shoulders. It is about thoughtfully distributing specific tasks or responsibilities, allowing me to manage my workload more effectively and create some space for myself to breathe and rejuvenate. This approach not only lightens my load but also empowers those around me to grow and contribute their best.

Practical Tips for Delegating with a Chronic Illness

• Start small: Initiate your journey toward seeking support by asking for assistance with a single, manageable task. It could be something as simple as preparing dinner or picking up a prescription. By starting with small requests, you can gradually build trust and confidence in your relationships, making it easier to turn to others when you need help.

  
  

• Use your flare-free days wisely: Take advantage of the days when you are feeling well to plan ahead. This means identifying recurring tasks, such as grocery shopping or cleaning, and delegating them to others before a flare-up occurs. This proactive approach ensures that you don’t become overwhelmed when your symptoms return.

  
  

• Make lists: When your mind is clear and focused, take the time to jot down everything that needs to be done—whether it’s chores, appointments, or errands. Creating a detailed list not only organizes your thoughts but also provides a clear guideline for those who are willing to help you, making it easier for them to step in when necessary.

  
  

• Communicate your “why”: Be open with your loved ones and coworkers about the reasons behind your need to delegate tasks. Sharing your reasoning fosters understanding and support from those around you.

  
  

• Accept help when it’s offered: When a friend or family member offers to assist you, whether by bringing dinner or running an errand, embrace their kindness wholeheartedly. Don’t hesitate or feel guilty about accepting their help; saying yes not only alleviates your burden but also allows them the joy of giving, creating a mutually beneficial experience.

Grace. Gratitude. Growth.

Delegating tasks is not simply a means of getting things done; it is an essential aspect of self-care that allows you to grant yourself the permission to rest and recover. It’s about recognizing your own needs and accepting the support that others can provide during your journey.

When you delegate, you enable your team or those around you to step in and contribute, which not only fosters a sense of community and teamwork, but also deepens relationships through shared responsibilities. You don’t have to shoulder every obligation or manage every detail alone.

Instead, focus on the tasks that hold the most significance to you, whether they are personal or professional. For everything else, remember that it is perfectly acceptable to reach out for assistance. By doing so with grace and gratitude, you open the door for collaboration and understanding, allowing both yourself and others to thrive in the process.